Sunday, June 19, 2011

The father they have become

My father is the epitome of hardship. He grew up with very little of everything. Very little love. Lots of hardship. My late grandma was the abandoned 1st wife. She struggled throughout her life. My dad went to school when he was 10. He used to tell us stories of his childhood. How he has to walk many2 miles to reach the school, how he only had 1 pair of school uniforms etc etc etc. And he and his mom were always the outcast, even among the relatives. Due to their poverty. As a result my dad become very bitter. I remember him telling me how hard it was for him to forgive his late dad for what he has done to his mom, despite him knowing he has to...he can never said his dad's name in his prayer, until very2 recently.

He grew up with no male figure in his life. Oppressed and poor. So he raised us based on his experience. You tend to make up with your kids what you were deprived in your childhood. In his case it's education. So that's the reason he was very hard on me and my siblings. For him, education is everything. For you to be worthy of something, you have to excel in your academic.

My relationship with him has always been formal. Very business oriented. He rarely express his feelings. No mushy2 I love u kinda thing. Never. Very authoritarian. And pretty chauvinist too. Dad never lift a finger in the kitchen. And mom never lift a finger beyond the kitchen. So there is a very clear demarcation on the role of husband and wife in their marriage. Men doing house chores is just unthinkable to my dad.

I used to fear him. I used to feel all he cares is our exam results. But as I have my own kids, and he started to mellow down, I started to understand him from a different perspectives. I started to understand people can express love differently. Dad being a worrier is love, dad being the workaholic is love, dad pushing me to my limit is love. It might be far from perfect, but nobody is. And he has raised me and my siblings well. For that I should be grateful. Grateful for the father he has become.

Mr O, on the other hand is everything that my father isn't. He cooks. He make wicked pavlova and crumbed prawn. Not kidding ;) He does the household chores too. He never complains when the house is messy (more likely bcoz he's one of the main culprit..hahahaha), iron his own clothes, scrub the toilet etc etc etc. But don't get me wrong. He's far from perfect.

On good days when his mood is good, he will do the chores. Some days, he will be busy saving the world killing pigs and monkeys or whatever monster on ipad. Some days, he just annoy the hell out of me. As much as I annoy the hell out of him...hahahaha. But I am really2 grateful. I can never survive if he doesn't help out. It makes a whole lot of difference to my sanity. And he makes effort to be the father he should be. The imam of the family. The tutor (albeit a fierce one). The quran teacher. The one who download movies and songs and games for the kids. The techy guys. The Handy Manny of the house. And most importantly, the one who pays my bills...hahahaha. Flaws and all, he's the best father my kids could ever have.

So how do we celebrate Father's Day this year?? By going to the wet market in the morning and babysit Medina the whole afternoon. not fancy schmancy :P But again, Mr O is a very simple man, and very2 picky eater too. A home cooked lunch will probably makes him wayyyy much happier than a lunch in some fancy restaurant that will create a hole in his pocket.

Anyway, it was a really busy day. I almost run out of everything so the trip to the market was inevitable. By the time we came back and finished cleaning up and sorting up everything, it was almost 12. And I have signed me and Hajar up for a talk in the afternoon. So I have less than 1 hour to whip out something for lunch.

The so called ""Father's day " lunch. Steamed crab, kangkung goreng with salted fish, chicken soup (recycled one...hahaha) and sambal tumis tempe & ikan bilis.

Then me and Hajar rushed to Munawarrah for the Aurat & Hijab talk. I felt so guilty leaving the kids with Mr O..on Father's day some more??? ...but what to do lahh coz I already signed up.

Anyway, what better gift can u give to your husband than a solehah wife and daughter right??? And u can't be solehah if u don't learn & upgrade your knowledge right??? there u go, Mr O, it's for your own good anyway, I'm doing u a favour ;)

We arrived there right on time. Hajar reluctantly. Me excitedly.
Somebody busy ransacking her goodies bag.

Assoc Prof Dr Harlina Siraj giving the first lecture.
I was so glad I went. And dragged Hajar along. It was really a good lecture. It gives me a totally different perspective on why woman should wear hijab in the first place. And I think Hajar concurred with me ;) Right Hajar??? Rightttt???? She's probably more excited I won the lucky draw ;P

So that concludes the day. By the time the whole thing finished, it was already 6++. So Onn volunteered to cook dinner...yeayyyy....Happy Father's Day :)