Monday, August 1, 2011

Reminiscing Ramadhan

4 years ago, right after the subuh azan, at about 6.16am of 1st Ramadhan 1428H, I gave birth to a precious bundle of joy named Medina Zaharah. For that, 1st Ramadhan has always been extra special to me..extra sentimental, extra emo...sniff sniff...where are all those tissues?? hahaha.

Medina is extra special to me because she is my hijrah point. Hijrah means migration. And it's ironic we named her Medina, which historically also signify the great migration of Rasulullah. And it's more ironic that my original inspiration of her name has nothing to do with the holy city of Medina. In fact, it's far from holy ;P
We always thought that 3 kids is more than enough. Then I succumbed to the pressure for another boy. Coz Mr O and Luqman thought the house will be merrier with another boy. And the balance will be restored. And the ying and yang of the family will be perfect. Little that we know, Allah has a better plan for us.

When I was pregnant with her, I was at the tipping point. I was so sick of my job, and getting tired of justifying to myself why I should work. I love the money, but I hate my job. I like the medical, clinical, marketing part of the job. But not the "entertaining the clients" part. It has always bothers me that eventually it's not the science that decides which patients get which treatment. Though it can happens. Kudos to those doctors who can stay neutral, but I can tell u they are the rare species. Most of the times, the decision is driven by who gives me the most sponsorships, and treats me better, and fulfills my needs the most. It's just how the industry is.

And Emily was going from bad to worse. I know that I need to spend more time at home. There are lots of red flags. Hints from God things are not okay at home. But the thought of living on one income was so daunting and intimidating. And the fact that every time the thought of quitting cropped up, I will either get a big fat increment or a promotion didn't help either. So u pushed the worries under the carpet. And pretend it's not there. And I continue dragging my self to work. On the pretext it is necessary. To earn a living for my family.

Until I was pregnant with Medina. Things started to change. Without me realizing it. I had some complications during my 1st trimester. Which prompted me to change to a new job which was less stressful. And eventually quit the job completely. I still had no idea where did the courage comes from. 2 weeks after I became an official SAHM, the petrol price hiked, can't remember how much but it was pretty mad and awful. And I was numb trying to figure out stuffs, thinking would we survive? Did I make the right decision?? And it was also the time when we send our maid back to Indonesia. So I am officially the desperate housewife who needs to find her sanity back and thinks too much time with the kiddos can drive me nuts. But I keep telling myself to have faith. Something positive will come my way. God willing.

I have learned planning is good. But too much planning is a sign of arrogance. Coz do not forget God is the greatest planner. So as much as u plan, put your faith in God to determine the rest. My life has changed so much for the past few years. In a way that I have never imagined possible. Considering the fact that the only plan I have after I quit my job is to take care of my kids, what I have now is more than I could ever ask for. Am I plain lucky? I don't think so. I think it's God's plan. And how He makes the universe interact with your mind and make it happen. Call it karma or whatever, but positive thoughts and faith did make a whole lot of difference.Sometime, all u need to do is make that first step out of your comfort zone. And the rest will follow.

And I have learned so much from the kids. Especially during these last few years. And especially from the littlest one. As I was struggling with Emily, Medina taught me when learning is fun, everybody can be a genius. I have not taught her much. But she tagged along when I was teaching Emily. Because she was never under pressure, she is progressing much faster than her siblings.

She taught me that if u treat kids like adult, they can meet your expectation. Sometimes, surprising you by exceeding them. She makes her own decision. On certain matters.
She loves her long hair. But there will be times when she decided that it's getting too messy and uncomfortable. Despite Mr O's attempts trying to talk her out of it, she decided she need her hair cut. And it was pretty impressive how still she was throughout the whole process. Sometimes, her wisdom scares me. She can sounds so yodaaaaaa :P

And she taught me nobody is too little to help out. So do not hesitate to delegate mommies.
An example of times when she volunteer herself to be the little mommy. There are times when my blood pressure went upstairs eg; when Emily keep losing her focus and not doing her revision properly. And she told me "It's OK ummi, I will handle this". And this was how she get Emily to focus. And to be honest, it does work better than me screaming my heart out. Kids need some sense of humor.

And she taught me u can learn a lot by drawing. She loves drawing.
But I have always seen drawing as a hobby. Not a way to learn. But she taught me otherwise. Nowadays, I tricked Emily into drawing stuffs that I need reinforcement. She forgets easily. And she is a kinesthetic learner. Somebody who learn best by doing. So after revising the fact, some activities like drawing and crafting or experimenting or model building can help reinforce the facts to her. And make her remember better. Just bear with the mess and the yelling to get her to clear the mess ;P
And I love her flow of thought. As far as I can remember, at this age, my other kids only scribbled. But she drew with great precision and details. Independently. Note how detail she drew the bee, the butterfly and the caterpillar? ;)

The privilege of being born on 1st Ramadhan is it's easy to remember. So u get to celebrate your birthday twice. The Islamic calendar and the Gregorian calendar. Especially if u r the youngest, your older siblings are ever ready to spoil u, your wish is their command. So yesterday, after lunch in Marche, Hajar bought her some presents from Daiso. The stuff that she has been telling all of us she NEEDS it. Endlessly.

A raincoat. I need the raincoat because I love the rain. And I love playing in the rain and jumping on the puddle of water. So I need a raincoat. (And of course Hajar got distracted with the pipe cleaners. And the girls have been twiddling with the stuffs the whole day.)

Since she is quite independent now, and has been praying with us regularly, so I thought maybe this year I get to pray terawih in the surau. Not alone in my room anymore ;) Yeeehaaaaa.....I was so excited last night, until she throw fits just when I was about to leave for the surau. Because kakak Hajar accidentally dismantled the pipe cleaner bracelet that she made for ummi to make ummi happy. OMG....she was wailing and crying and sobbing....and thank god finally she found her sanity.

So the deal is she will pray Isya' with us, then I will leave her alone. And she has to be quite while me and the sisters and the rest of the jemaah pray.
The reluctant sisters. One is "tired". The other one is "zonked out". It's OK girls, u will get use to this. It will get better ;)
And she keeps her promise. Watching "mute" Gnome & Juliet quietly at the back. So I guess, we will continue the routine tonight, insyaAllah. Ramadhan Mubarak people ;)

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